A few years ago, a video went viral in which a boy was seen learning how to write the alphabet. Tutoring him was his mother, who was also handling another child, an infant, in her lap.
In the video, the sobbing child threatens to complain about her to his grandparents and father, telling her he no longer liked her. The mother, unfazed, urges him to keep writing, warning that if he didn’t, he would be taken to task.
The video evoked sympathy for the child, who was seen as the victim of a pushy mother. “Children should be allowed to bloom and sprout like a flower,” read a comment.
“Nowadays, children are being groomed into robots,” read another. “Childhood is being strangled…” the comments followed.
What do mothers here think about being ‘pushy’? “They can say what they want. When the child does well, there will be many to take the credit, but when it doesn’t, only the mother will be blamed by even those who speak tall about child rights,” snaps Apoorva Paramjyoti, who has currently taken a break from her corporate job to be with her daughter in Class 10.
“Even otherwise, I want my child to do well. Hence, I will dream for her and will tell her to groom her life well. I will take all efforts to meet that end.”
From the days of yore, motherhood has been venerated as the next best thing to the divine, and the onus of grooming a child has rested on the mother. She may be undereducated, burdened with chores, or busy with a high-profile job, but she must attend to her child’s lessons with the same diligence she expects of the child.
Indian mothers are famously dutiful, and even in the West, mothers are often singled out as responsible for their child’s progress. Even Napoleon, the creator of the Napoleonic Code, which stresses equality, is said to have proclaimed: “Give me an educated mother, I shall promise you the birth of a civilised, educated nation.”
Is this a natural instinct or a mindset imposed on her by patriarchy? It’s a question worth pondering.
“My mother wasn’t very educated, but she insisted that we do well and sat with us as we studied,” says Jyotiraditya Tiwari, an aerospace engineering student. “I have seen mothers from resource-poor areas engaging more ambitiously with their children.”
Sindhu Jagan, who chose not to work to focus on her children full-time, says “there is no doubt” that women lay the educational foundation of a child. “But my question is, why should it be on women alone?” she asks.
“I believe men are a bit casual about it. For them, if the child doesn’t do well, they think they will do it later. Why fuss? But for me, and most mothers, small steps make the larger picture bright.”
Athira Jose, a mother of two daughters, also chose not to work to give full attention to her children. “In my case, it was pick and drop, even. I had to forsake my dance classes for that. But I always told myself, it is for my children,” she says.
“It is indeed a period of stress, especially in the case of younger children. But in the last five years, there’s been a hint of change. Load-sharing is happening in many families, as more women take up stressful jobs.”